MOOism: Religion? Or Something Else?

MOOism is something like a religion: it has Ceremonies and Rituals and even Gods and Goddesses (and asexual sectual beings). More importantly than that, it has a major heresy, and as we all know, only religions have heresies.
The Major Heresy of MOOism is the Heresy of the Hound, so named because it was The Hellhound >101< who popularized it. The Heresy of the Hound is the true name of the Pudding Cult. Unfortunately, the blasphemous nature of the Heresy is so vile and repugnant that I dare not even describe its repulsive doctrines, for fear of corrupting the innocent, and condemning myself to eternal hellfire (see, we ARE a religion) and suffering in the soul-wrenching pits of Pittsburgh.
Minor heresies, such as the now-defunct cults of QUACK, Beaver, Happy-Happy, Vortexianism, the Church of Cat Bondage, The Temple of the Primordial Penguin, and the Fire-Hydrant Liberation Waffle, are hardly worthy of mention, except to point out that the Church of MOO, as most successful religions do, has absorbed the competition and made it part of itself. This means that, like most religions, the Church of MOO is full of self-contradictory beliefs and doctrines. This is fine: it only serves to validate us as a REAL church.
Like most religions, MOOism is hardly original: its ancestors include the Church of the SubGenius (who are much funnier than we are, because WE seek the Middle Path and the Way of the Buddha... Honest), and Discordianism, which has been alternately described as a religion masquerading as a joke, and a joke masquerading as a religion.
MOOism is neither of these things. It's a real religion, not masquerading as anything. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a no-good dumbo-nothing, and you should hit them. Besides, they probably aren't even a MOOist, and anyone who isn't a MOOist is a Snacky. And the fate of all snackies is to be devoured by the Cow, in the form of War, Crime, AIDS, and Cheez Whiz.
This message brought to you by the Association For Star-Bellied Sneetches and Shoes For Industry.

Click here to return