Extensive research by MOO scholaars trained in the intricacies of WOMBAT-programming has revealed some starting facts about Kevin Vortex, and just how often he's actually saved the world.

It turns out that the ditch into which Vortex dumped his first (and only) client's corpse was actually an integral part of WOMBAT's program. Since WOMBAT was disguised as Wyoming, it was using natural land features as data storage and processing centers. The particular ditch in question was one which governed the operation of WOMBAT's main reason for being on Earth, namely the destruction of the human race to make way for the Xornon colonists for whom it was Xorniforming the planet. When Vortex dumped the corpse in the ditch, the subprogram mistakenly assumed (being disrupted by the chaotic presence of the Vortexian) that it had successfully killed off the human species, and WOMBAT shifted its primary programming objective. If Vortex had dumped the body three seconds later, it would have been ZOT, and bye-bye Earthlings. Wowzers.

Anyway, we all owe Vortex a debt of gratitude, or at least a free cup of coffee whenever he asks for one. So says Kevin, anyway.

All this has opened up a new line of research, delving deep into the books contained in the Mauve Room for data on what has come to be known as WOMBAT Ditch-Dump Programming, which involves programming WOMBAT, and hence causing magickal effects to happen, by dumping various things in ditches in Wyoming.

For example, it has been conclusively proved that a particular irrigation ditch in Wyoming has the property that if you dump into it seven chicken livers and a barrell of Nutley's Glue Stix (painted purple by a Pakistani named Alfred Q. Lindenmayer) decorated with the word 'Infundibular' in fava beans held in place by masking tape, your ears will flap six times, your nose will turn green, and seven point two million dollars will be instantly deposited in your bank account. Many MOOists have decided that the permanent vertification of their noses is a worthwhile price to pay for that kind of cash, and gone on to discover the remaining property of the ditch (never previously announced), that death follows within eight to ten weeks, caused by a particularly sharp telephone chewing out the kidneys of the magickian in question.